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Random laughsComedy central
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he... Two blondes were driving down the road. A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye. The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch... A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. "That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer. "If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You...
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love." "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself,... A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." The woman thinks for... Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything." Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down? Mad KaneCommentary and song parody that mocks an AP article that paints Democrats as scary liberals Song Parody to Celebrate Ken Lay's Conviction Limericks about Bush's stealth signing statements, Colin Powell, and FEMA Song parody and two limericks about the so-called White House shakeup Commentary, limerick and poem about the UAE Dubai seaport deal Song parody about the Dick Cheney's hunting accident and the media's reaction. Song parody about the Dick Cheney's hunting accident Commentary, limericks and other verse about the Dick Cheney's hunting accident, Congress, and George Bush Limericks and other verse about the Oprah Winfrey / James Frey brouhaha and George Bush Personal verse for four of the Sam Alito filibuster holdouts: Senators Byrd, Landrieu, Akaka, and Nelson Freeze in place
Quotations
"Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people."
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much." "'So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim?'/ 'Well, that would be a start.'" "Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair." "Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." "The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy." "This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop." "An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out." "Many would be cowards if they had courage enough." "There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion."
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